So last week I was determined to loose more that a 100g like my previous week.
Seeing my scale tick down only a 100g last week was very disappointing, and like many others a feeling of complete and utter depression came over me. I started to wonder why am I even doing this in the first place and if it was all worth it. I actually just wanted to give up. I had this little voice in my head telling me that I am already fat and everyone knows me like this, why do I need to change if it's so minimal anyway. But before I even knew it my Diet Hitler's voice drowned out the little insecure fat girl in my head. She said it is all part of it, yes someday's you will loose only 100g and other days you will stand completely still and then there are those days when you loose more that you even expected to. My Diet Hitler's voice was much louder and so much more motivational and I just needed to listen.
I AM NOT GOING TO GIVE UP AGAIN LIKE EVERY OTHER TIME.... I CAN DO THIS BECAUSE I AM DOING THIS FOR ME AND ONLY ME!!!!
I started out my week very sure about myself and why I was doing this. I don't want to be the fat girl or the fat friend anymore. I also want a bellybutton piercing when walking around in a bikini or tankini, I also want guys heads to turn my way when I walk in the mall and most of ALL I want to be HAPPY with myself for once. Happy with my body, happy with the collarbone showing, happy with a smaller face and happy with a size 36/38 jean size. Not feeling like I am going to rent a tent when I need to go shopping for new clothes. I want to just be happy and I am the only person that will be able to make that happen.
Like all of you already know, weekends are probably the worst for all of us. Family having all you favorite foods and drink all those yummy soft drinks while you are drinking water and chewing on an apple. Coming from a big family we also over do braais, sunday lunches and snacking. There is enough food to feed a starving family somewhere in the world and still one plate of food is never enough as a serving per person.
This weekend I was inspired to show my family that it doesn't need to be like that, that you can still eat what you like but you don't need to over do it. Friday I had my cheat and was happy with it. On Saturday when everyone had two slices of cake (one chocolate and one vanilla) I said no thank you and stuck to water while they munched away on the slices of heaven loaded with extra sugar, fat and calories. Sunday morning after returning home, my father was standing in our kitchen snacking away at the last piece of cake in the Kitchen. He asked me if I had any and I said no. He immediately stopped eating, turned around and told me how proud he was of me. I have shown him willpower and my determination to loose weight is inspiring to him. My dad has always been my biggest critic - he always had something to say about my weight and that I really need to start doing something about it. I at a stage outweighed him and that was the worst time of my life.
Having my biggest critic tell me that I inspire him was like music to a person that had lost their hearing.
On Sunday my brother had come home and presented us with my absolute favorite dessert in the whole wide world. A pecan pie, my heart sank into my shoes as they started dishing up and still I could say no thank you. I didn't even take a bite, just looked away as they were eating and shook my head when they went back for another slice. My brother made a comment about how he thinks that there might be something wrong with me as I didn't want cake or my favorite thing on this entire planet. All I had so say was, I don't want it, I don't want sugar, I don't want carbs because I don't want to be FAT anymore.
I have learned that it doesn't matter when others are proud of you, being proud of yourself for not only making good choices but say no thanx to everything you love to eat is what matters. You deserve a gold medal not just a golden star.
Today I am proud of MYSELF for not giving up, for not saying "oh its only one slice", for admitting I did this to myself and only I can change it. For losing an extra 2.3Kg and it brings me 2.3kg closer to my goal weight.
Thank you Diet Hitler for being there for me every step of the way. You have really been a friend that any girl deserves. You have helped me teach myself new, good habits and supporting me with everything. THANK YOU!!!!!
SW 138.9
CW 125.5
GW 75
Total Loss 13.4
Total to Go 50.5
Seeing my scale tick down only a 100g last week was very disappointing, and like many others a feeling of complete and utter depression came over me. I started to wonder why am I even doing this in the first place and if it was all worth it. I actually just wanted to give up. I had this little voice in my head telling me that I am already fat and everyone knows me like this, why do I need to change if it's so minimal anyway. But before I even knew it my Diet Hitler's voice drowned out the little insecure fat girl in my head. She said it is all part of it, yes someday's you will loose only 100g and other days you will stand completely still and then there are those days when you loose more that you even expected to. My Diet Hitler's voice was much louder and so much more motivational and I just needed to listen.
I AM NOT GOING TO GIVE UP AGAIN LIKE EVERY OTHER TIME.... I CAN DO THIS BECAUSE I AM DOING THIS FOR ME AND ONLY ME!!!!
I started out my week very sure about myself and why I was doing this. I don't want to be the fat girl or the fat friend anymore. I also want a bellybutton piercing when walking around in a bikini or tankini, I also want guys heads to turn my way when I walk in the mall and most of ALL I want to be HAPPY with myself for once. Happy with my body, happy with the collarbone showing, happy with a smaller face and happy with a size 36/38 jean size. Not feeling like I am going to rent a tent when I need to go shopping for new clothes. I want to just be happy and I am the only person that will be able to make that happen.
Like all of you already know, weekends are probably the worst for all of us. Family having all you favorite foods and drink all those yummy soft drinks while you are drinking water and chewing on an apple. Coming from a big family we also over do braais, sunday lunches and snacking. There is enough food to feed a starving family somewhere in the world and still one plate of food is never enough as a serving per person.
This weekend I was inspired to show my family that it doesn't need to be like that, that you can still eat what you like but you don't need to over do it. Friday I had my cheat and was happy with it. On Saturday when everyone had two slices of cake (one chocolate and one vanilla) I said no thank you and stuck to water while they munched away on the slices of heaven loaded with extra sugar, fat and calories. Sunday morning after returning home, my father was standing in our kitchen snacking away at the last piece of cake in the Kitchen. He asked me if I had any and I said no. He immediately stopped eating, turned around and told me how proud he was of me. I have shown him willpower and my determination to loose weight is inspiring to him. My dad has always been my biggest critic - he always had something to say about my weight and that I really need to start doing something about it. I at a stage outweighed him and that was the worst time of my life.
Having my biggest critic tell me that I inspire him was like music to a person that had lost their hearing.
On Sunday my brother had come home and presented us with my absolute favorite dessert in the whole wide world. A pecan pie, my heart sank into my shoes as they started dishing up and still I could say no thank you. I didn't even take a bite, just looked away as they were eating and shook my head when they went back for another slice. My brother made a comment about how he thinks that there might be something wrong with me as I didn't want cake or my favorite thing on this entire planet. All I had so say was, I don't want it, I don't want sugar, I don't want carbs because I don't want to be FAT anymore.
I have learned that it doesn't matter when others are proud of you, being proud of yourself for not only making good choices but say no thanx to everything you love to eat is what matters. You deserve a gold medal not just a golden star.
Today I am proud of MYSELF for not giving up, for not saying "oh its only one slice", for admitting I did this to myself and only I can change it. For losing an extra 2.3Kg and it brings me 2.3kg closer to my goal weight.
Thank you Diet Hitler for being there for me every step of the way. You have really been a friend that any girl deserves. You have helped me teach myself new, good habits and supporting me with everything. THANK YOU!!!!!
SW 138.9
CW 125.5
GW 75
Total Loss 13.4
Total to Go 50.5
