Day nine on Duramine (metermine) 40mgs-
I have to wonder if the duramine effects your tear ducts.. Seriously, since i have been taking it, it's like i heard Justin Timberlake singing cry me a river and accepted it as a personal challenge
Not that I'm always upset or sad- on the contrary i have been much more upbeat and positive than is usual for me but i do tend to have a less tight (think choke hold) grip on my emotions. Totally not cool. Crying, no surprise, is a bit of a downer..
Woke up late at 8am took tablet pretty much immediately with an apple. Sweetest yummiest apple EVER. Soooo yea i liked it By around 10am i was contemplating having an early lunch before leaving for my brothers house so i could control what i was eating. Decided on bacon and eggs. No carbs My son asked for a muffin instead so i set about tweaking my usual goto recipe base for cakes, muffins and pancakes and made him bacon, egg and 2 cheese muffins. Was pretty happy with how they turned out as i had never tried to make them before and now i have something new for him to take to kindy. It was also funny as hell dodging from the diced bacon as it was frying.. Apparently it had an identity crisis and thought it was popcorn, bits of it flew everywhere and i do mean everywhere. I had 3 rashers of grilled picnic bacon and 2 eggs. Drank 1 litre of water before leaving and sadly that was all i managed today.
Didn't do any dancing or walking today and i can't really even claim to have chased the 4 kids around as they pretty much keep themselves entertained when they get together. Not going to beat myself up over it because whilst i know everyday is the optimal so long as i am doing the dancing or working out at least every second day i am making a concentrated effort and that is more than i have done in the past.
I really loathe people trying to be all nice and sensitive to my feelings and thinking because i am taking duromine telling me that i look so much slimmer will make me feel good.. It didn't make me feel good when they said it and i was 144kgs and not losing weight and it doesn't make me feel good now.. When i don't have to buy clothing that looks like i have stolen a tent from the circus and when i can do star jumps without causing small earth tremors and when i can go to a beach without fearing green peace will mistake me for a beached whale THEN people can make with all the polite platitudes until then they can keep all the sugar coated BS in the jar cause i am not buying it.
Drank a can of pear cider and a coopers Dr Tims, the cider was surprisingly light and fresh, the beer however.. Blergh i detest beer. Had been informed when i arrived that we were staying for tea so i was somewhat nervous about that, i mean, i had managed to avoid being plied with potato chip sandwiches and other various food items but pizza is hot and smells really good and yea. It's yum. Dinner arrived at around 6pm. 6 pizzas from Dominos. 3 of which were smallish square ish gourmet ones.. I had one slice of the gourmet one- i seriously have no idea what flavour it was but it was red. Then i thought about whether i was hungry or not and i realised i really wasn't so i sat and twiddled my thumbs and thought about ways to singe the smell of deliciousness out of my nostrils because i knew if i ate any more i would really really REALLY enjoy it.. while i was eating it anyway. I don't want to eat for the sake of eating any more though, that's the whole point of taking the duromine. I want to change. Is it kind of wack that ignoring all those carefully sculpted, colourful heavenly smelling pizzas was almost harder than 32 hours labour?
Then i passed out the cupcakes, which i had ended up doing a deep green glaze icing for and topping (or letting my son top them) with hundreds and thousands and sprinkles. Was a bit miffed that people were clamouring for more as the last few cakes i have made for birthdays etc went largely uneaten so i made less and then naturally the people wanted more.
Then my sister in law came in and told me my son had had an accident. It is really pathetic that hearing that was my undoing but it was. I went in to him and tried to get him out of his clothes but he refused my help and my sister in law started dealing with it. When i asked why he was letting her help him but not me she interjected to say that he was probably embarrassed and he agreed. Maybe he was.. Of course i did witness him pee in his own eye before.. at least this time he only got his feet.
I had so much difficulty getting him over the poop hurdle when he was toilet training, it got on everything and the smell lingered everywhere and everyone else just didn't get it. I was completely alone and completely out of my depth in dealing with it. The thing is he did get there and i didn't have to take him to playgroup and fend off questions about why he was in nappy pants and he was how old and hadn't finished toilet training yet? The thing is he could pee just fine on a toilet it was just the poop issue but people didn't consider that when they were stopping to judge, it was just implied or at times mentioned out right that he must have developmental issues and be slow because of his difficulty with this one god damn thing and now like my nightmares have resurrected themselves it's happening again.. Only now he is wetting himself as well. It started with his recent admittance into hospital and resulting constipation and then soiling or encopresis or whatever and i thought that it would be a brief issue that would resolve itself after he was treated for the constipation. Now it seems more likely that he is afraid of the toilet. He is just 1 month and a bit shy of his 5th birthday. Accidents at kindy could see him labelled as 'the poopy kid' and scarred emotionally for life and i can just not imagine for a second how i can cope with it again. You either bend or you break and i fear i am at breaking point. I get frustrated and snap at him and he doesn't need that- it's not helping, i don't know how to make it better, maybe I'm responsible because i don't give him enough attention or because i give him too much and i baby him.. If anything his development is stifled by me doing things for him and trying to help so much i prevent him from learning to do things himself and be independent. By trying to help him, i am making his life harder..
As all that flew through my mind a great deal faster than i typed it just now it didn't sound quite so pathetic and whiney and waaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.. It just proceeded to make me cry. Alot.
Then after sobering up the festivities, cause a crying fatchic is a real downer, I got home brushed my sons teeth and put him to bed.
My 10yo sister is staying with me for the weekend so hopefully that will distract me from the hysterical mummy bit and as for the ongoing poop issue.. Yes i feel like i can't cope but no i will not give up. You do not give upon the ones you love. there's no other option but to take each day as it comes and deal with the accidents as they happen. Essentially hope i don't stuff up majorly and do irreparable damage to a little person in the making.. I guess that's the best any parent can hope for.
I have to wonder if the duramine effects your tear ducts.. Seriously, since i have been taking it, it's like i heard Justin Timberlake singing cry me a river and accepted it as a personal challenge
Not that I'm always upset or sad- on the contrary i have been much more upbeat and positive than is usual for me but i do tend to have a less tight (think choke hold) grip on my emotions. Totally not cool. Crying, no surprise, is a bit of a downer..Woke up late at 8am took tablet pretty much immediately with an apple. Sweetest yummiest apple EVER. Soooo yea i liked it
By around 10am i was contemplating having an early lunch before leaving for my brothers house so i could control what i was eating. Decided on bacon and eggs. No carbs My son asked for a muffin instead so i set about tweaking my usual goto recipe base for cakes, muffins and pancakes and made him bacon, egg and 2 cheese muffins. Was pretty happy with how they turned out as i had never tried to make them before and now i have something new for him to take to kindy. It was also funny as hell dodging from the diced bacon as it was frying.. Apparently it had an identity crisis and thought it was popcorn, bits of it flew everywhere and i do mean everywhere. I had 3 rashers of grilled picnic bacon and 2 eggs. Drank 1 litre of water before leaving and sadly that was all i managed today.Didn't do any dancing or walking today and i can't really even claim to have chased the 4 kids around as they pretty much keep themselves entertained when they get together. Not going to beat myself up over it because whilst i know everyday is the optimal so long as i am doing the dancing or working out at least every second day i am making a concentrated effort and that is more than i have done in the past.
I really loathe people trying to be all nice and sensitive to my feelings and thinking because i am taking duromine telling me that i look so much slimmer will make me feel good.. It didn't make me feel good when they said it and i was 144kgs and not losing weight and it doesn't make me feel good now.. When i don't have to buy clothing that looks like i have stolen a tent from the circus and when i can do star jumps without causing small earth tremors and when i can go to a beach without fearing green peace will mistake me for a beached whale THEN people can make with all the polite platitudes until then they can keep all the sugar coated BS in the jar cause i am not buying it.
Drank a can of pear cider and a coopers Dr Tims, the cider was surprisingly light and fresh, the beer however..
Blergh i detest beer. Had been informed when i arrived that we were staying for tea so i was somewhat nervous about that, i mean, i had managed to avoid being plied with potato chip sandwiches and other various food items but pizza is hot and smells really good and yea. It's yum. Dinner arrived at around 6pm. 6 pizzas from Dominos. 3 of which were smallish square ish gourmet ones.. I had one slice of the gourmet one- i seriously have no idea what flavour it was but it was red. Then i thought about whether i was hungry or not and i realised i really wasn't so i sat and twiddled my thumbs and thought about ways to singe the smell of deliciousness out of my nostrils because i knew if i ate any more i would really really REALLY enjoy it.. while i was eating it anyway. I don't want to eat for the sake of eating any more though, that's the whole point of taking the duromine. I want to change. Is it kind of wack that ignoring all those carefully sculpted, colourful heavenly smelling pizzas was almost harder than 32 hours labour? Then i passed out the cupcakes, which i had ended up doing a deep green glaze icing for and topping (or letting my son top them) with hundreds and thousands and sprinkles. Was a bit miffed that people were clamouring for more as the last few cakes i have made for birthdays etc went largely uneaten so i made less and then naturally the people wanted more.
Then my sister in law came in and told me my son had had an accident. It is really pathetic that hearing that was my undoing but it was. I went in to him and tried to get him out of his clothes but he refused my help and my sister in law started dealing with it. When i asked why he was letting her help him but not me she interjected to say that he was probably embarrassed and he agreed. Maybe he was.. Of course i did witness him pee in his own eye before.. at least this time he only got his feet.
I had so much difficulty getting him over the poop hurdle when he was toilet training, it got on everything and the smell lingered everywhere and everyone else just didn't get it. I was completely alone and completely out of my depth in dealing with it. The thing is he did get there and i didn't have to take him to playgroup and fend off questions about why he was in nappy pants and he was how old and hadn't finished toilet training yet? The thing is he could pee just fine on a toilet it was just the poop issue but people didn't consider that when they were stopping to judge, it was just implied or at times mentioned out right that he must have developmental issues and be slow because of his difficulty with this one god damn thing and now like my nightmares have resurrected themselves it's happening again.. Only now he is wetting himself as well. It started with his recent admittance into hospital and resulting constipation and then soiling or encopresis or whatever and i thought that it would be a brief issue that would resolve itself after he was treated for the constipation. Now it seems more likely that he is afraid of the toilet. He is just 1 month and a bit shy of his 5th birthday. Accidents at kindy could see him labelled as 'the poopy kid' and scarred emotionally for life and i can just not imagine for a second how i can cope with it again. You either bend or you break and i fear i am at breaking point. I get frustrated and snap at him and he doesn't need that- it's not helping, i don't know how to make it better, maybe I'm responsible because i don't give him enough attention or because i give him too much and i baby him.. If anything his development is stifled by me doing things for him and trying to help so much i prevent him from learning to do things himself and be independent. By trying to help him, i am making his life harder..
As all that flew through my mind a great deal faster than i typed it just now it didn't sound quite so pathetic and whiney and waaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.. It just proceeded to make me cry. Alot.
Then after sobering up the festivities, cause a crying fatchic is a real downer, I got home brushed my sons teeth and put him to bed.
My 10yo sister is staying with me for the weekend so hopefully that will distract me from the hysterical mummy bit and as for the ongoing poop issue.. Yes i feel like i can't cope but no i will not give up. You do not give upon the ones you love. there's no other option but to take each day as it comes and deal with the accidents as they happen. Essentially hope i don't stuff up majorly and do irreparable damage to a little person in the making.. I guess that's the best any parent can hope for.
