Doing it for myself and my babies

I have two beautiful children that mean the world to me. I started taking Duromine yesterday. I discovered this site today and really love all the advise and support given on this site. A little background on how I got to were I am today. I have struggled with my weight since I stopped smoking in 2011. Even with numerous diets and a lot of exercise I still put on weight. Before my first pregnancy in 2012 I weighed 74kg, still a bit over my goal weight but I was very comfortable with the way I looked (just a little bit extra were it mattered). I put on 22kgs with my first pregnancy, after birth only lost 13kgs and after a few months started putting the kgs back on. I was at 96 kgs when I went to my Dr the first time and she prescribed Duromine. I used it for 2 months, lost 9kgs and decided to stop because we wanted another baby. I weighed 85kgs when I fell pregnant with my daughter and put on 18kgs during the pregnancy. I had pre-eclampsia with my son and developed high blood pressure when I was 6 weeks pregnant with my daughter. My daughter was born in February. Due to my bp not stabilizing after she was born I had to stop breastfeeding at 5 weeks to take stronger meds. I lost 10 kgs after birth but started gaining weight again. After my Doctor decided my bp was under control she gave me a script for Duromine again. Day one I weighed 95 kgs and today 93.8kg. The first time I went to my Dr to ask for help with my weight I was very scared to discuss my weight gain. Thought that I would be judged but she was so understanding. I actually developed an eating disorder after the birth of my son due to my circumstances. I started eating more and more every day. When I decided to talk to my Dr I was at a stage were I ate until I almost threw up (gross sorry). I scared myself. The Duromine did wonders and I actually got control of my eating. Now after the birth of my daughter I started eating a lot, but this time I went to my Dr before it got to that stage again. This is very personal I know but to be completely honest, I do not really have any support and just being able to type this here helps a lot. I unfortunately can not discuss this with my husband as he says he does not understand how someone can be addicted to food. I do understand why he says this. His mother is very thin and loses weight very easily and she actually told him today that he is fat. He weighs 70kgs with a BMI of 24. He is anything but fat!! My aim is to loose 22kgs and to get control of my eating. I am just scared that once I go off after 3 months I will go back to eating too much again, but this time I am not only motivated by myself but Im doing this for my children as well. I want to be healthy and I want to be able to be the best mother I can be. My son being 2yrs and 6mnths was standing in the room with me on mothers day, looked at me and then out of nowhere he said "mamma is pragtig" and I almost started crying. I want to be a roll model for my babies and show them that I am healthy and confident. My next post will not be this long I promise. I just had to share this with someone.