So its the 1st of April I think I've finally had enough of my weight gain! I think that to myself every couple of months yet here we are another 4 or 5 months since I last weighed myself yet I’m another 3-4 Kgs heavier then the last time, Im at my heaviest ever of 119.7 Kg. It shocks me to think I have gotten this BIG I didn't think I would ever let myself get to this size, yes there is bigger out there but for me I just don't want to be like this anymore. Im a 26 year old girl that lives in Lake Macquarie near lakes and beaches and beautiful scenery yet Im to ashamed to want to go to or visit these places cause of my weight.
Back in 2014 early 2015 I had gone on another weight loss journey I actually stuck to it for quite a few months, I was doing so good I was using what they call an egg diet so not the healthiest way to do it when you cut out certain food groups but it had worked for me at the time. I don’t know what the starting weight was as i was scared to go on the scales at the time, I assume would have been around 115Kgs maybe more I didn't weigh myself as I was scared of the number, 3 weeks after started I got a little confident and decided to see what I was at which was around 111Kg and then it kept me motivated to keep going I went all the way down to about 95Kg I didn't really exercise I just didn't eat any carbs no breads, pastas ect.
So what changed, well through that journey i got confidence I went on a dating site and found a boy. Now I'm not blaming him as I should have done a lot better to keep myself controlled. We started going out eating 3 course meals eating junk food, cause there was now 2 of us to think about for meals I would tell him to decide dinner he’d tell me to decide by the time dinner came around we finished work nothing was decided we both then couldn't be bothered to cook so we would go to the easiest thing we know Macdonalds, KFC, Pizza, Indian, Thai, Chinese the possibilities are endless, although out of the 2 of us I'm the only one that put the weight on. Sometimes in anger when I complain about my weight I do blame him and he tells me “Well Ive still stayed the same” and yes in 3 years we’ve been together he's maybe only put on about 5Kg I have an office job while he is a labourer.
So slowly, slowly or actually it feels quite quickly, quickly Ive put on all this weight It’s affecting me it’s affecting our relationship, I can’t sleep comfortably anymore, All I can sometimes feel is the fat around my chest when Im laying down, I cant turn comfortably in my sleep, with my weight gain I've started snoring for the last year or so which is keeping my darling boyfriend up with every kg I've put on my snoring seems to be getting louder, so he will turn the TV on cause he can’t sleep with the snoring then I wake up cause of the TV and get the shits and go to another bedroom, that is not what I want my relationship to be like. My boyfriend is now starting to feel worried for me, he says I sometimes stop breathing altogether when snoring so he nudges me to wake up which can be really annoying but should I expect him to leave me asleep even when as he says I'm rattling walls every night and he cant sleep.
Ive never felt more disgusted in myself the other day my BF said he thinks I'm killing myself if I keep putting on more weight, the look in he’s eyes as he said it, still makes me question whether I still turn him on or he thinks I'm attractive still. I know he means well cause he knows Im not happy with it and I know he still loves me even though in the last 3 years he's watched me put on 24.7 Kg I must look like a completely different person and yes appearance isn't everything and I was by no means skinny when we first met.
At first he used to say you're not fat you're perfect, then I put on a couple more Kgs and he would still say Im perfect, then it got to the point where I put on more weight and he got sick of hearing me complain and say If you're not happy change it do something about it, I would try a week later go back to my old habits continue complaining, he got to the point then he wouldn’t respond or laugh when I said I would try and lose weight again because my 15 other failed attempts over the last 3 years, but now for him to point out that I really need to lose weight for the sake of my health, I know it must be done but its still hard hearing it.
So now this brings me to today Saturday 1st April 2017 Im hoping that this will be my longest successful attempt to lose weight MY HEALTH and MY HAPPINESS depends on it this isn't for anyone but MYSELF I want to be able to walk without feeling short of breath or feeling my legs shake cause Ive walked a couple of stairs and they cant handle a 30 minute Hike to a beautiful waterfall and feel scared knowing shit I just walked down here now I have to walk up. I don’t want to be held back by my weight anymore
I decided to write this as I have never written down my journey before hopefully this could be the difference in what could be my weight loss achievement I would love to get down to 60Kg so that it pretty much losing half my body weight.
My BF’s mum is also overweight and her doctor gave her a months sample pack of 30mg Duromine which she gave 1 to me if I like it Im going to go there and ask for my own supply cause I don't want to live like this anymore.
Today I took my first tablet I don't feel any different I had 2 eggs for breakfast but I don't feel like my appetite is curbed I just didn't eat any more cause I don't want the tablets to be the only reason I lose weight I want to control my own eating with what I put in my mouth and control my own portions so this is my journey.
Back in 2014 early 2015 I had gone on another weight loss journey I actually stuck to it for quite a few months, I was doing so good I was using what they call an egg diet so not the healthiest way to do it when you cut out certain food groups but it had worked for me at the time. I don’t know what the starting weight was as i was scared to go on the scales at the time, I assume would have been around 115Kgs maybe more I didn't weigh myself as I was scared of the number, 3 weeks after started I got a little confident and decided to see what I was at which was around 111Kg and then it kept me motivated to keep going I went all the way down to about 95Kg I didn't really exercise I just didn't eat any carbs no breads, pastas ect.
So what changed, well through that journey i got confidence I went on a dating site and found a boy. Now I'm not blaming him as I should have done a lot better to keep myself controlled. We started going out eating 3 course meals eating junk food, cause there was now 2 of us to think about for meals I would tell him to decide dinner he’d tell me to decide by the time dinner came around we finished work nothing was decided we both then couldn't be bothered to cook so we would go to the easiest thing we know Macdonalds, KFC, Pizza, Indian, Thai, Chinese the possibilities are endless, although out of the 2 of us I'm the only one that put the weight on. Sometimes in anger when I complain about my weight I do blame him and he tells me “Well Ive still stayed the same” and yes in 3 years we’ve been together he's maybe only put on about 5Kg I have an office job while he is a labourer.
So slowly, slowly or actually it feels quite quickly, quickly Ive put on all this weight It’s affecting me it’s affecting our relationship, I can’t sleep comfortably anymore, All I can sometimes feel is the fat around my chest when Im laying down, I cant turn comfortably in my sleep, with my weight gain I've started snoring for the last year or so which is keeping my darling boyfriend up with every kg I've put on my snoring seems to be getting louder, so he will turn the TV on cause he can’t sleep with the snoring then I wake up cause of the TV and get the shits and go to another bedroom, that is not what I want my relationship to be like. My boyfriend is now starting to feel worried for me, he says I sometimes stop breathing altogether when snoring so he nudges me to wake up which can be really annoying but should I expect him to leave me asleep even when as he says I'm rattling walls every night and he cant sleep.
Ive never felt more disgusted in myself the other day my BF said he thinks I'm killing myself if I keep putting on more weight, the look in he’s eyes as he said it, still makes me question whether I still turn him on or he thinks I'm attractive still. I know he means well cause he knows Im not happy with it and I know he still loves me even though in the last 3 years he's watched me put on 24.7 Kg I must look like a completely different person and yes appearance isn't everything and I was by no means skinny when we first met.
At first he used to say you're not fat you're perfect, then I put on a couple more Kgs and he would still say Im perfect, then it got to the point where I put on more weight and he got sick of hearing me complain and say If you're not happy change it do something about it, I would try a week later go back to my old habits continue complaining, he got to the point then he wouldn’t respond or laugh when I said I would try and lose weight again because my 15 other failed attempts over the last 3 years, but now for him to point out that I really need to lose weight for the sake of my health, I know it must be done but its still hard hearing it.
So now this brings me to today Saturday 1st April 2017 Im hoping that this will be my longest successful attempt to lose weight MY HEALTH and MY HAPPINESS depends on it this isn't for anyone but MYSELF I want to be able to walk without feeling short of breath or feeling my legs shake cause Ive walked a couple of stairs and they cant handle a 30 minute Hike to a beautiful waterfall and feel scared knowing shit I just walked down here now I have to walk up. I don’t want to be held back by my weight anymore
I decided to write this as I have never written down my journey before hopefully this could be the difference in what could be my weight loss achievement I would love to get down to 60Kg so that it pretty much losing half my body weight.
My BF’s mum is also overweight and her doctor gave her a months sample pack of 30mg Duromine which she gave 1 to me if I like it Im going to go there and ask for my own supply cause I don't want to live like this anymore.
Today I took my first tablet I don't feel any different I had 2 eggs for breakfast but I don't feel like my appetite is curbed I just didn't eat any more cause I don't want the tablets to be the only reason I lose weight I want to control my own eating with what I put in my mouth and control my own portions so this is my journey.
