I have never been one to write about my experiences. I am very much an observational introvert for my own understanding and growth. Yet I find myself needing to write this.
As I teenager I was bullied on a regular basis and told I was FAT.
Silly me believed it ... Enter self-image and self-esteem issues
The truth is, I was not fat. I was not even remotely overweight. In fact, at 16 I had a BMI of 18. I weighed 49kg. Yeah, I know.
Towards the end of my high school education I was no longer comfortable playing netball, swimming, or participating in any form of sport. I did not want to be seen in such revealing attire. I felt exposed and vulnerable. I wanted to hide. I ceased all physical activity and focused on my escape plan. Finally, with a university application approved to study Psychology, I packed my bags and moved across the country from my ‘humble’ town in regional Victoria to the new and exciting - Perth.
With my new life, I weighed in at a healthy and confident 66kgs
Life being as it is, always throws new challenges at you and I subsequently left my degree less than 18mths into it, yet vowing to return to study one day. I came to Perth to get a degree, and I’ll be damned if I don’t get one!
Without AUSTUDY, I needed to find a job. A job. Ha. I’d never worked a job in my life. I noticed the kgs starting to add on, a few stretch marks appearing on my hips, clothes were a little tighter, but I still felt OK. I started working at David Jones in the Young Ladies Fashion department, along with the fresh faced, runway-model looking girls. I always felt 'bigger' and slightly out of place. They were all stunning! So skinny, with gorgeous long hair, beautiful skin, and cute boyfriends. I needed to fit in. I wanted to be one of them.
For the first time in almost 3 years, I was going to exercise! Cue Rocky music.
I joined a gym and started attending regular personal training sessions. These were fantastic. I loved them and felt energised again. Slowly I started to be happy with the way I looked. I was even in a bikini again! So … I stopped going to the gym. I mean, I like the way I look again so I why do I still need to go to the gym? I know, face palm, right? Enter yo-yo weight!
The next few years saw the gradual increase in my weight. My new job at a Telstra retail store didn’t help the matter. I’d put it on, loose it, put it on, loose it. Each time getting that little bit heavier, a little bit bigger. Until I found the latest and greatest exercise craze in 2012 … CROSSFIT. Yup, I said it. Crossfit. Between that and a separate kettlebell training program, I was on fire. I was working out 4-5 times a week, making gains and smashing PB’s - fist bump. I eventually gave up crossfit after a few months. I mean, it is crossfit after all. But kept up the kettlebell training. I mean I was good at it, like really good. I was beginning to be happy with my body. Yes I was 75kgs with stretch marks, but I was fit. I was healthy. Why do I need to be skinny? What’s wrong with how I looked when I trained and enjoyed it all as much as I did?
I also happened to meet a guy who was doing his PhD in microbiology. He would tell me all about his work and studies. And I was smitten. He reignited my passion for learning and education. I had to go back to study … I needed to study. But what in the world would I study? I had no intention of returning to Psychology. It’s too subjective, and I was feeling a lot more … scientific these days. I liked the idea that something is what it is and cannot be anything else.
I spent all my spare time on my training. Always training. Lifting weights and moving. Trying to understand how my body worked and why I could smash out 72 push ups in a row, or 200 consecutive kettlebell snatches with 16kg, or perform an 80kg deadlift. What enables me to produce this power? How do I repeat this? How do I avoid a training plateau? How do I improve and lift heavier? How much weight can I actually lift?
And there it is. What I needed to study. Exercise and Sport Science.
By now you will be wondering why any of this matters, and why I am even here. I started at 49kgs as I teenager and now I’m 75kgs. Big whoop, everyone puts on weight in their 20s. Plus I study exercise science. So what.
Well. Let me tell you.
I started my degree in Exercise and Sport Science in 2013.
In mid 2015 I was 80kgs and prepping for my first powerlifting competition with the compound lifts of bench press, squat, and dead lift weighing in at respective 80kg, 120kg, and 120kg.
There were no more body issues, no more anxiety, no more depression. I didn’t care that I had muscles. I didn’t care that I didn’t look like other girls. The clothes wouldn’t fit the same, and my butt stuck out. I was happy within myself. With who I had become. I had it all. I was training, working, and studying. It was hard but I was doing it and I was proud.
A few months later after countless antibiotics for ear and throat infections, I was informed I had contracted Glandular Fever. My world fall apart as I struggled to keep my head above water. The more I tried to stay on top, the harder and faster I was falling. I hit the ground, and I hit it hard.
It is now June 2017 and I weigh 98kgs. I graduate my degree in 6mths.
I am ScarlettWraith, and this is my journey BACK! Cue Rocky music again.
As I teenager I was bullied on a regular basis and told I was FAT.
Silly me believed it ... Enter self-image and self-esteem issues
The truth is, I was not fat. I was not even remotely overweight. In fact, at 16 I had a BMI of 18. I weighed 49kg. Yeah, I know.
Towards the end of my high school education I was no longer comfortable playing netball, swimming, or participating in any form of sport. I did not want to be seen in such revealing attire. I felt exposed and vulnerable. I wanted to hide. I ceased all physical activity and focused on my escape plan. Finally, with a university application approved to study Psychology, I packed my bags and moved across the country from my ‘humble’ town in regional Victoria to the new and exciting - Perth.
With my new life, I weighed in at a healthy and confident 66kgs
Life being as it is, always throws new challenges at you and I subsequently left my degree less than 18mths into it, yet vowing to return to study one day. I came to Perth to get a degree, and I’ll be damned if I don’t get one!
Without AUSTUDY, I needed to find a job. A job. Ha. I’d never worked a job in my life. I noticed the kgs starting to add on, a few stretch marks appearing on my hips, clothes were a little tighter, but I still felt OK. I started working at David Jones in the Young Ladies Fashion department, along with the fresh faced, runway-model looking girls. I always felt 'bigger' and slightly out of place. They were all stunning! So skinny, with gorgeous long hair, beautiful skin, and cute boyfriends. I needed to fit in. I wanted to be one of them.
For the first time in almost 3 years, I was going to exercise! Cue Rocky music.
I joined a gym and started attending regular personal training sessions. These were fantastic. I loved them and felt energised again. Slowly I started to be happy with the way I looked. I was even in a bikini again! So … I stopped going to the gym. I mean, I like the way I look again so I why do I still need to go to the gym? I know, face palm, right? Enter yo-yo weight!
The next few years saw the gradual increase in my weight. My new job at a Telstra retail store didn’t help the matter. I’d put it on, loose it, put it on, loose it. Each time getting that little bit heavier, a little bit bigger. Until I found the latest and greatest exercise craze in 2012 … CROSSFIT. Yup, I said it. Crossfit. Between that and a separate kettlebell training program, I was on fire. I was working out 4-5 times a week, making gains and smashing PB’s - fist bump. I eventually gave up crossfit after a few months. I mean, it is crossfit after all. But kept up the kettlebell training. I mean I was good at it, like really good. I was beginning to be happy with my body. Yes I was 75kgs with stretch marks, but I was fit. I was healthy. Why do I need to be skinny? What’s wrong with how I looked when I trained and enjoyed it all as much as I did?
I also happened to meet a guy who was doing his PhD in microbiology. He would tell me all about his work and studies. And I was smitten. He reignited my passion for learning and education. I had to go back to study … I needed to study. But what in the world would I study? I had no intention of returning to Psychology. It’s too subjective, and I was feeling a lot more … scientific these days. I liked the idea that something is what it is and cannot be anything else.
I spent all my spare time on my training. Always training. Lifting weights and moving. Trying to understand how my body worked and why I could smash out 72 push ups in a row, or 200 consecutive kettlebell snatches with 16kg, or perform an 80kg deadlift. What enables me to produce this power? How do I repeat this? How do I avoid a training plateau? How do I improve and lift heavier? How much weight can I actually lift?
And there it is. What I needed to study. Exercise and Sport Science.
By now you will be wondering why any of this matters, and why I am even here. I started at 49kgs as I teenager and now I’m 75kgs. Big whoop, everyone puts on weight in their 20s. Plus I study exercise science. So what.
Well. Let me tell you.
I started my degree in Exercise and Sport Science in 2013.
In mid 2015 I was 80kgs and prepping for my first powerlifting competition with the compound lifts of bench press, squat, and dead lift weighing in at respective 80kg, 120kg, and 120kg.
There were no more body issues, no more anxiety, no more depression. I didn’t care that I had muscles. I didn’t care that I didn’t look like other girls. The clothes wouldn’t fit the same, and my butt stuck out. I was happy within myself. With who I had become. I had it all. I was training, working, and studying. It was hard but I was doing it and I was proud.
A few months later after countless antibiotics for ear and throat infections, I was informed I had contracted Glandular Fever. My world fall apart as I struggled to keep my head above water. The more I tried to stay on top, the harder and faster I was falling. I hit the ground, and I hit it hard.
It is now June 2017 and I weigh 98kgs. I graduate my degree in 6mths.
I am ScarlettWraith, and this is my journey BACK! Cue Rocky music again.
