Day one on Duramine (metermine) 40mgs-
Some days life decides to throw you a curve ball, and my hand eye co ordination sucks
I had a plan. Simple really, it all culminated around waking up at 5am and taking a pill. All in all, as far as plans go it was pretty flexible really.. there were a series of events to play out during the day i.e taking 4yo to kindy, shopping, getting 4yo ready for evening disco at kindy, doing happy dance.. That sort of thing. I like plans, lists, order, meticulous little details that i am in charge of. Control freak? Likely, i just like to be prepared and in charge of a situation.. Its not that i crave control really, so much as i abhor the loss of it. It's a security thing.. i feel safer being aware of all the possible variables in a situation and if that makes me a control freak so be it. So when a plan falls to ruin i become the livid neurotic female screaming NOT HAPPY JAN.. Cause that's perfectly normal
As a result of my gall bladder recently being evicted, i am unable to sleep in any position other than my back. As i am me, i am unable to sleep on my back. So at 5am instead of waking refreshed and eager to begin my duramine journey i contemplated the merit of sneaking from where i sat in front of my tv watching muted movies with subtitles against the risk of making a noise and waking my 4 year old and decided i could take the duromine a little later.. Half an hour later it became a moo point because my little man joined me on the couch, where he promptly emptied the contents of his stomach onto me not once not twice but three times. Yes. Sharing is caring. Kindy, shops and disco effectively cancelled before 6am. Despite the chaos i took on a whole i am woman hear me roar attitude and did my happy dance and chatted incessantly non stop til all around me or in my contacts list threatened to jam pencils in their ears for relief then i cleaned a table and my stove and probably would have gone on cleaning various household items, chatting inanely and just annoying people in general (sadly i cannot blame the duromine for this or indeed fathom if it was a result as this is just normal- if you can call it that, behaviour for me to exhibit after a sleep deprivation high) had my sons condition not worsened to the extent that he had to be taken to the emergency department where i spent the rest of the day. Yay. I did however expend an awful lot of energy.. Crying. I despise weakness in myself so the crying really annoyed me.. I tend to get over emotional after a sleepless night but duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuude crying like a hysterical... thing that i can not think of a word bad enough to describe was bad. Total low. People were staring! Not just because of the usual im not aesthetically pleasing reasons like normal and like the actions of a drunk i could see that, i was aware of the scene i was making.. the spectacle i was creating but i just couldn't stop. Couldn't. IT WAS MORTIFYING. and draining. there in resides the burn of the crash n burn i experience after my lovely sleep deprived high that was so totally not worth it.
The tears originated from the guilt i already felt about letting my son vomit repeatedly and assuming hospital was not necessary and was compounded by the triage nurse disdainfully enquiring as to why if my son had started vomiting at 5.30 am i had left it til 12pm before arriving at the hospital as surely a possibility to bring him in earlier would have presented itself. I could have told her where to present it- i mean who goes to hospital because they are throwing up?! I was raised by people who have a compulsory dislike of 'quacks' so i don't tend to seek professional help unless i consider it to be an emergency.. Of course my son has an asthmatic condition so according to the registered nurses i call on the health direct hotline its always an emergency.. and yea way to side track from weight loss hey basically we were let out hours later and told it was an upper nasal infection or a blocked nose and to treat it with panadol and saline drops.. Coulda done that from home and someone who REALLY needed help could have gotten it quicker but yes enough about that. I cried, It was embarrassing. Im tired now.
That was my first day on duramine im not really sure if it affected me or not.. I did find scales (i've never actually owned any as ours is not a friendly relationship) at the chemist whilst i was buying the childrens panadol but alas they only went up to 120kgs and promised to scream if my fat arse even looked at them. Story of my life. The day was a bust but its not as though im going to attempt to top myself with a plastic steak knife or anything.. Tomorrow brings with it more opportunity for i dont know promising developments or other such wooooooooooo saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah crab apples.
Some days life decides to throw you a curve ball, and my hand eye co ordination sucks
I had a plan. Simple really, it all culminated around waking up at 5am and taking a pill. All in all, as far as plans go it was pretty flexible really.. there were a series of events to play out during the day i.e taking 4yo to kindy, shopping, getting 4yo ready for evening disco at kindy, doing happy dance.. That sort of thing. I like plans, lists, order, meticulous little details that i am in charge of. Control freak? Likely, i just like to be prepared and in charge of a situation.. Its not that i crave control really, so much as i abhor the loss of it. It's a security thing.. i feel safer being aware of all the possible variables in a situation and if that makes me a control freak so be it. So when a plan falls to ruin i become the livid neurotic female screaming NOT HAPPY JAN.. Cause that's perfectly normal
As a result of my gall bladder recently being evicted, i am unable to sleep in any position other than my back. As i am me, i am unable to sleep on my back. So at 5am instead of waking refreshed and eager to begin my duramine journey i contemplated the merit of sneaking from where i sat in front of my tv watching muted movies with subtitles against the risk of making a noise and waking my 4 year old and decided i could take the duromine a little later.. Half an hour later it became a moo point because my little man joined me on the couch, where he promptly emptied the contents of his stomach onto me not once not twice but three times. Yes. Sharing is caring. Kindy, shops and disco effectively cancelled before 6am. Despite the chaos i took on a whole i am woman hear me roar attitude and did my happy dance and chatted incessantly non stop til all around me or in my contacts list threatened to jam pencils in their ears for relief then i cleaned a table and my stove and probably would have gone on cleaning various household items, chatting inanely and just annoying people in general (sadly i cannot blame the duromine for this or indeed fathom if it was a result as this is just normal- if you can call it that, behaviour for me to exhibit after a sleep deprivation high) had my sons condition not worsened to the extent that he had to be taken to the emergency department where i spent the rest of the day. Yay. I did however expend an awful lot of energy.. Crying. I despise weakness in myself so the crying really annoyed me.. I tend to get over emotional after a sleepless night but duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuude crying like a hysterical... thing that i can not think of a word bad enough to describe was bad. Total low. People were staring! Not just because of the usual im not aesthetically pleasing reasons like normal and like the actions of a drunk i could see that, i was aware of the scene i was making.. the spectacle i was creating but i just couldn't stop. Couldn't. IT WAS MORTIFYING. and draining. there in resides the burn of the crash n burn i experience after my lovely sleep deprived high that was so totally not worth it.
The tears originated from the guilt i already felt about letting my son vomit repeatedly and assuming hospital was not necessary and was compounded by the triage nurse disdainfully enquiring as to why if my son had started vomiting at 5.30 am i had left it til 12pm before arriving at the hospital as surely a possibility to bring him in earlier would have presented itself. I could have told her where to present it- i mean who goes to hospital because they are throwing up?! I was raised by people who have a compulsory dislike of 'quacks' so i don't tend to seek professional help unless i consider it to be an emergency.. Of course my son has an asthmatic condition so according to the registered nurses i call on the health direct hotline its always an emergency.. and yea way to side track from weight loss hey
basically we were let out hours later and told it was an upper nasal infection or a blocked nose and to treat it with panadol and saline drops.. Coulda done that from home and someone who REALLY needed help could have gotten it quicker but yes enough about that. I cried, It was embarrassing. Im tired now.That was my first day on duramine im not really sure if it affected me or not.. I did find scales (i've never actually owned any as ours is not a friendly relationship) at the chemist whilst i was buying the childrens panadol but alas they only went up to 120kgs and promised to scream if my fat arse even looked at them. Story of my life. The day was a bust but its not as though im going to attempt to top myself with a plastic steak knife or anything.. Tomorrow brings with it more opportunity for i dont know promising developments or other such wooooooooooo saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah crab apples.
