So, today marks Day 1 on my calendar. Woohoo!
I'm nervous, excited and anxious all in one. Why?
This day has been long overdue and I have been waiting to start something that I am hoping will show results. I have been on every diet and tried every fad out there, and even though I saw minor results, it just wasn't enough.
I was always a sporty size 8-10 as a child and loved to be out in the sun playing until the street lights came on, then as a child I was sexually assaulted which ended in a underage pregnancy. From this, I was never the same physically and emotionally. I quickly went from the size 8-10 to a whopping 18-20 (which was so not me, let alone being 12 years of age.) I have always struggled to get back to the size I was before and had no motivation to get involved in the activities I once adored.
Then, the time came where I had to go back to school... Yep, you bet, I was teased, teased for being bigger than before I went away and definitely bigger for my age. Then school swimming commenced... (Of course it did...) And as you could imagine, my body is riddled with stretch marks to the point I even have stripes on the back of my calves as a result of what had happened. Today I read about how women should love their stripes (stretch marks) because they earned them, well... I definitely believed I never earned mine and still to this moment I am reminded of them on a daily basis and of how I got them.
I had, what I thought, were friends, who soon turned into bullies making fun of me and they soon started circling what they thought were rumours (that I must've had a child.) Little did they know, the circumstances and the situation which I had gone through at such a young age. I stuck it out till I finished grade 12 and knew I would never have to deal with them again. I went straight into University which from there I completed a Bachelor and a Masters Degree.
During my Bachelor Degree, I met my amazing partner, in which we have just celebrated seven wonderful years of being together. (And no... still no ring yet though ladies... *sigh* and it has only just dawned on me the reason,why? Well, at least this is my own opinion of why!) When I met my partner I weighed in at around 65kg. Seven years later I weigh 84kg. It may seem like nothing to anyone reading this, however everyone is different and we all have different opinions of ourselves- we're only human right? Well, this is the heaviest I have ever been.
Over the years, I have followed every diet known to mankind... well at least thats what it's felt like! But lately I have known I need to do something about me, myself and I, inside AND out. Over those past seven years, I have tried so hard not become one of those sloppy junk magazine 'poor me' stories about how I met the man of my dreams and how I've become so comfortable and let myself go - NO! No way. I promised myself I won't.
But as the years have gone by, I have gone from being the bubbly, positive, smiling woman to what feels like the demon. Even though my love for food is endless and will always be, I have become negative in all aspects of life, I now feel as though I have no 'drive' like I once did. I will over think relationships around me whether it be with my partner or other members in my family and for some reason I will thrive off peoples insecurities and my very own. THIS IS NOT ME! I was the carefree, love giving sparkle bubble in the room, not this person that others are finding it hard to be around. So, time for a re-evaluation on myself for the better.
So long and behold, today is Day 1. I set my alarm for 5:30am this morning and as I woke, I felt myself still trying to comprehend I was awake and today was the day I start. I took my first tablet and within 30 minutes I was wide awake and zooming around the house. All I have eaten today is a banana as I couldn't bring myself to eat (WHAT!!!! THIS IS TOTALLY WEIRD FOR ME.) I have only had one cup of black tea (no sugar) and lots of water and feel great. I know, I know its only day one, give it time. But I was expecting the dizziness and headaches to set in and *touch wood* they haven't. Other than that, that's it!!! I have experienced slight dry mouth but nothing to complain about.
I can't wait to see where this journey takes me or to see if I can see/feel a difference in myself! I wish everyone who is taking this journey all the very best! We can do it all we need to do is believe in ourselves....right?
Start weight: 83.7
Height: 167cm tall
Signing off,
O
x
