Hi, First off my names Samantha, I'm almost 20 years old, and I weigh 146kg.
I've been a big girl for as long as i can remember, (Back in like 2nd and third grade, i wasn't huge, but i wasn't the smallest, i was even concerned about my weight back then). As I've grown, my weight has to, and over the years I've watched it go up and up and up. I've tried so many diets, Meal replacement shakes, herbal pills and drinks, lite n' easy, Herbal life, special formulated herbal medicine that you add to your water, I've seen doctors and specialist because i thought there had to be some medical reason that my weight gain just wouldn't stop even though I've tried walking, swimming, dancing around, so many things to try and lose weight but nothing ever works. According to the doctors my body is working fine, i don't have diabetes, i don't even have a high blood pressure, my metabolism is apparently working correctly and apart from the obvious obesity, i'm "healthy".
Which brings me to today, After having this same conversation with my doctor, he has agreed to put me on duromine, even though he doesn't really agree with it, it seems to be my last resort.
He prescribed me one month of the 30mg tablets. And said next month i will be on the 40mg. I'm not sure why he started me on the lower dose, considering my weight, i would have preferred the stronger dose as i really want to get the most possible out of the tablet. But hes the doctor, ya know? Lol.
So i took my first tablet yesterday, honestly i didn't notice much of a difference, i had an appetite, it wasn't massive, but i ate an ordinary breakfast, lunch, and a smaller dinner. I didn't notice a dry mouth, i didn't have an huge energy boost, i didn't find myself fidgeting or wanting to clean my house like a mad man like other stories i read. I took my tablet at 8am yesterday morning, and was asleep in bed by 10:30pm, and i slept until 7:30 this morning.. so i slept a whole 9 hours, so it definitely didn't affect my sleeping either. I'm wondering if this is because the dose maybe isn't strong enough for my body weight? Maybe it will take a few days for it to really get into my system and give me the boost and motivation i need... hopefully.
I feel a bit disheartened honestly, i really want this to change my life. I want to be healthy for the first time in over 10 years, I want to be young and feel young and do the things my friends are out doing without me. I'm so big i don't feel comfortable going out with my friends. I hate going to clubs and pubs because i can't dress up nicely like every one else there, they look good, and i know i don't. I have no confidence at all, I don't even like seeing my old friends from school and people i used to know because i'm ashamed of how much bigger I've gotten since last seeing them.
It feels a bit weird telling all this to countless strangers i don't know, i don't even have the courage to say this to my family, my mother.. I haven't even told anyone how much i weigh.. Its such a big number, i don't want to see the look on their faces when i tell them. So now its just you guys.. and my doctor.
I'm sorry to rant on, I feel like i just need to get this all of my chest, i want to let go of this part of my life, i want to close this chapter and open a new one. A better one.
Thanks for listening, this is the first time I've ever put these emotional embarrassing feelings of mine on paper (digitally), and although i found myself in tears writing parts of it, i feel good.. I'm gonna go for a walk and get this show on the road
I'd love to hear from anyone with some hints or suggestions, inspiration, motivational tips, answers to why i may not be feeling the drug yet, anything really.